Mind, Body, Soul and My Story

Feeling better in your body often requires a lifestyle change. These days I am a huge advocate for proper sleep, whole foods and sufficient exercise. I don’t drink alcohol or eat sugar and I promise you, it isn’t because I am holier than thou but because I have had health issues that have pushed me in that direction. I have danced my whole life, so exercise has been instilled but pair that with 4-6 hours of sleep a night, fast food, soda, a sugar addiction, alcohol, the occasional cigarette and carb comfort eating, it’s no wonder I have struggled with anxiety, depression, inflammation, hyperthyroidism and pre-diabetes. It is a slow process to change habits like this. From thirteen, I had a TV in the bedroom and used it as a soothing way to fall asleep. It is old news now that screens inhibit your sleep quality but I still find myself scrolling until I pass out with my phone in my hand. I have yet to master that one and probably because it hasn’t overtly caused me immediate harm. 

However, for three years postpartum of my first pregnancy, I was incredibly anxious to the point where if I didn’t run 5k every morning, I would burst into fits of rage. I was thinner than normal and I thought that breastfeeding and running was really doing the trick and then one night I ate a very sweet dessert and thought I might be having a heart attack. My heart was racing, I was sweaty and dizzy, I couldn’t control my breathing and I was seeing stars. Turns out I had hyperthyroidism. 

That was the first catalyst to choosing a healthier lifestyle. My father had many medical issues and when I looked at a future that had a cupboard full of medication, I chose a different path. The holistic approach to healing is deeper, more meaningful and more difficult than anyone who sets out on their journey is prepared for, but it is the only way. Pharmaceuticals are incredibly helpful and I have used medication for my thyroid and depression but wanted to find a way to heal from the root cause. It is not just a physical challenge but an existential one. First, we must start with the body. The very basics are getting enough sleep (A LOT of it!), eating a whole foods diet, prioritizing basic hygiene (flossing included) and exercising at least 150 minutes a week. Sounds simple but then why is it SO HARD? Because it leads into the next level of taking care of yourself- emotions. We all know those basic principles of the physical body, but it’s our emotional body and our subconscious that runs the show. This part takes enormous courage. We must face our past traumas, lay down our egos and find out where these habits stem from. Neglect, abuse, emotional dysfunction and generational trauma shape our subconscious and our DNA and I urge you to meet someone who has not had at least a glimmer of these affect their life. Our bodies keep the score and when we pay attention, the communication from the body is extremely clear. Problems communicating? People pleasing? Throat issues-tonsilitis, step throat, thyroid issues. Putting everyone’s needs first and leaving yourself last? The body craves sugar, food becomes comfort and the pancreas has to work on overdrive. This was the case for my issues anyway, each person has their own unique circumstance and genetics. However, in my experience as a somatic therapist, specific traumas relate to specific illnesses or pain held in the muscles and joints. To me, this is the center of the work and once you begin to unravel the knots it is life changing. This is heavy work that is best approached with a qualified psychologist or counselor. Finding the right therapist can take a couple of tries, but in my opinion you will find someone that just clicks. With my credentials, I am able to help from a nervous system and energetic perspective, which brings me to the next component in the journey of healing. I have seen many therapists and the one that helped me the most introduced me to a therapy called Internal Family Systems. The basic premise of this is that our psyches create different ‘parts’ to protect us from traumas. There are parts of you that hold overwhelming feelings like shame, neglect, depression, rage, etc. There are parts that hold distracting qualities like partying, impulsive actions, etc. and there are parts that try to control the situation.

After many years of searching for psychological answers, I was brought to the end of the road. I found IFS to be a more spiritual and energetic approach to therapy because this one is hard to pin down by scientific measures, brain scans etc. Yet, I still wanted a deeper answer. Why me? Why not me? Why anyone? Why do we suffer at all? It is helpful to have perspective and gratitude that our lives are not as bad as some, or our pain is not as bad as some but that can sometimes feel impossible when we ourselves are in anguish. In my yoga training, we learned about karma in the spiritual sense. The reason we are all on this different journey is that our souls have an earthly experience to learn the lessons we need to grow. This is a wild concept for some and not that crazy for others. However, if we look at each situation as a lesson that needs to be learned, it can change our perspective when it comes to healing, acceptance and compassion. We can look at others who have had a role in our lives through the lens of this as well.

I say this with absolute humility though as I cannot pretend to know the answers of the universe or why there is such grief and horror in the world but to offer a perspective that might open our hearts to compassion for ourselves, others and to allow healing. The heart is our center, both in body and in energy. It is the driver of our health, our immune system, our breath and our relationships. When we care for the heart, everything flows better. We all have access to this depth of love but our experiences in life can be so painful that we cover, protect, shield and eventually lose connection with the heart center. I use reiki as a way of connecting to that heart center. It is the softener of all those layers of protection. Letting the body and the spirit know that there is a sense of safety in all of us and we inherently have all the answers to all our questions. This has been a long read for a short post, or a short piece for a long and intricate existential conversation. Thank you for reading if you got this far, and I am available for more conversation and in person support.